


Kiss and Tell

by sidewinder



Series: Love's Sweet Revenge [4]
Category: Xena: Warrior Princess
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-01-16
Updated: 2012-01-16
Packaged: 2017-10-29 15:54:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,005
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/321599
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sidewinder/pseuds/sidewinder
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Things just seem to be going from bad to worse for Autolycus.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Kiss and Tell

**Author's Note:**

> The following story is written entirely for fun and not for any profit. No attempt is made to supersede or infringe upon the copyrights held by any television or film companies upon which this story is based.

Autolycus awoke from his very deep sleep with a weary yawn. Slowly stretching stiff limbs and protesting muscles, he rolled away from the bright sunlight intruding into the room and cursed the loud voices outside that had interrupted his slumbers. His body advised him that a few more hours rest would be most appreciated and might actually leave him feeling human again. He had also been in the middle of a most interesting dream when awakened and wanted to try to return to it before it slipped completely out of his half-conscious thoughts.

 _Was last night **all** a dream, or did some of that really happen?_ he wondered with no little awe if any of it **had** been for real. He figured Joxer would be able to help him sort out the details soon enough--and that could wait until he caught a couple more zzz's.

 _Mmm, Joxer...Joxer...?_

The question formed in his mind as he reached out for his companion and found nothing except rumpled sheets and a cool pillow at his side. Curious, Autolycus lifted his head and blinked until his eyes remembered the fine art of focusing, then he looked all about the room with increasing confusion. No signs of Joxer--not even a stray piece of his clothing in sight. Dropping his head back down onto his own pillow, the thief reasoned that Joxer had perhaps left to relieve himself, or maybe to get some breakfast.

 _If so, he'd better come back with enough for both of us._ Auto's stomach grumbled loudly in agreement with that sentiment. He sure had worked up quite an appetite thanks to last night's activities--real **or** imaginary.

Lying in bed, listening to the bustling sounds of the waterfront and the loud calls of seabirds circling about outside, he realized it had to be getting pretty late into the morning, maybe even the afternoon. To his admittedly blurry memory it had been almost dawn when they'd finally given it a rest and decided to get some sleep.

 _Sweet Zeus, it's good thing he's not that demanding all the time...But, every now and again, I don't think I'd mind,_ Autolycus thought with a small smile to himself.

Despite the lateness of the day, he figured there was no point getting up and dressing yet since it would probably be a wasted effort once Joxer returned. But after unsuccessfully trying to fall back asleep for some time, he started feeling not only hungry but also slightly edgy. Where had Joxer disappeared to for so long, anyway? It wasn't like him to take off on his own without leaving a note, or waking Auto briefly to let him know where he was going. Since the thief had been completely dead to the world for who-knew-how-long, he had no real idea how much time had passed since Joxer had left. Autolycus was a light sleeper normally--a man with as many bounties on his head as he had to be reasonably alert **all** the time. He was certain he should have heard Joxer getting up and moving about...unless he'd been even more drunk last night than he could recall.

 _Well, that wouldn't be a first..._ But that possibility didn't do much to ease his mind. Generally he liked maintaining his sobriety--that alertness factor again-- and he chastised himself for letting his self-control slip because he'd been feeling blue and lonely.

 _Joxer's getting too strong a hold over you, Autolycus, m'boy. It's one thing to let yourself fall in love; it's another to get reckless and maudlin just because you're missing him._ Unfortunately, he knew it was too late to change the way he felt. He'd fallen and fallen hard, and he was constantly struggling to reconcile his old fears of involvement and love with his newly discovered need for those very same things.

As the minutes continued to slip by, his mind too preoccupied to go back to sleep, he grew increasingly worried. Joxer could have gotten himself into some sort of trouble. Such a thought wasn't a stretch of the imagination since Joxer was the party in question. The man was a walking, talking, usually tripping pile of trouble waiting to happen.

Finally deciding that he needed to head out in search of his missing companion--not to mention get some food on his increasingly noisy stomach--Auto forced himself to get up and started pulling together his clothes. The search for his scattered garments resulted in a rather disturbing question forming in his mind, joining the other disturbing ones already spinning about:

"How in Hades did my underwear get up **there**?!"

Scratching his head and deciding he probably didn't want to know the answer, he retrieved the garment with some difficulty and finished dressing, then headed downstairs. He spotted the innkeeper sitting at his desk near the entryway and greeted him with cheery, "Morning."

"Afternoon," the man corrected with a wink and a knowing smile. "Must've been a good night for you, eh?"

"Heh, well, I suppose it was. I'm wondering if you've seen a friend of mine passing through here...tall, skinny, wearing black leather...brown hair, brown eyes...maybe he tripped or fell a couple times on the way out?" Auto added the last bit when the innkeeper showed no signs of recognition based on his physical description.

"Hmm...no sir, can't say I saw anyone like that either comin' or leavin'. And I've been here, oh, since not long after dawn."

"I see." Autolycus frowned, growing more concerned at this news. But of course, he told himself, it was quite possible the old man had been distracted or even asleep when Joxer left. "Well, if you see anyone like that come through here--his name's Joxer--tell him I'm looking for him in town." Auto fished out a handful of dinars and handed them to the man. "I think I'll be needing the room through the today, and the extra's for passing along the message."

* * *

Autolycus didn't have much luck picking up Joxer's trail in town. **No** luck, to be precise. Joxer was not usually a difficult man to find, but he'd certainly managed to make himself completely scarce today.

After unsuccessfully scouring the small marketplace and the busy waterfront, which truthfully was about all there was to the town, Auto's stomach was becoming insistent that it was time for some sustenance, especially if he was going to keep running around this way for the rest of the day. He ended up deciding to head back to the same tavern where they'd crossed paths the night before, The Siren's Lair, thinking perhaps that Joxer would have returned there as well.

Autolycus stepped inside and looked about, taking in the quiet daytime crowd, then he sighed in disappointment when he didn't spot Joxer. Nevertheless, he put aside his search for a while and took a seat. He ordered whatever the day's special was, hungry but too distracted to care much about what he would be eating. The food arrived in a few minutes and did the trick for getting his energy back, but he couldn't lose the worrying voice in the back of his brain that he was missing something--something that perhaps should have been obvious to him--in regards to Joxer's disappearance. If only his memory of the details of the night before were clearer...

Before he could contemplate any of this much further, he looked across the room as the door opened once more, letting in bright light from the world outside the dark tavern. He breathed a deep sigh of relief at seeing the blessedly familiar individual standing in the doorway, glancing about uncertainly and then heading for an empty table until Autolycus called to him loudly, "Joxer! Joxer, over here!"

Startled, Joxer turned towards him, then grinned as he recognized the thief. "Auto!" He bounded over towards his table and grabbed Autolycus for a quick hug. "Wow, talk about luck! I didn't expect to find you here!"

"Well there's not many places to go in this town," Auto answered, letting Joxer go to reclaim his seat. He noticed with a little regret that Joxer was no longer wearing the black leather outfit from last night but had changed back into one of the more colorful outfits Auto had stolen for him a while ago. Not that he didn't think the outfit looked good, but he'd rather enjoyed the all- leather look...less flamboyant but quite delicious nevertheless.

Before Auto had chance to question Joxer as to where he'd been all morning, the younger man grabbed a chair of his own, sat down and started in excitedly, "Listen, I'm **really** glad I caught up with you before you got to Egio. I was so worried. Mom told me that Jett's broken out of jail and he's looking for you. You and Xena."

"Jett?" Auto blinked a few times. Jett--Joxer's crazy brother. Joxer's crazy brother was on the loose...and looking for him?

"Yeah, you remember my brother Jett, the assassin? Bad attitude, black leather head to toe, kinda screwy in the head? The one we stopped from killing Cleopatra?"

"Jett," Auto repeated once again, getting an uneasy feeling in the pit of his stomach. He hadn't...last night...

 _No, impossible._

But if Joxer had really just arrived in town now...

 _Oh. Shit._

"Yeah, Jett. Apparently prison didn't do much to improve his personality and he's out for payback. Didn't take too well to being put out of business by a woman and a thief- -at least, that's what he told mom. So I had to leave early. Mom wanted me to stay longer but I was too worried. I figured you'd be taking this route so I got a ride with some traders to make it here as fast as I could." Joxer reached across under the table to touch Auto's leg, squeezing it lightly. "I'm just glad I found you before Jett did. Who knows what kind of plan he might be putting together--I sure hope Xena and Gabrielle are going to be at the festival too so we can warn them. I know Gabby loves those sorts of things and I remember her talking about how great it was last year..."

Joxer went on and on but Auto wasn't listening any longer. _Aw man...Jett! I spent the night with **Jett**?! Why didn't he...I can't believe I didn't realize it...Was I **that** drunk? Am I that dense?_

 _Of course, they do look exactly alike, down to every detail...Shit shit shit! I guess I should be glad he decided not to **kill** me, but still..._

"Auto!"

"Hmph?" The thief looked up and tried to put on his best face. "What?"

"Are you listening to me? Are you feeling okay?" Joxer frowned and asked with worry. "You look pale all of a sudden."

"No, I'm fine, Joxer." _Yeah, terrific. I just found out I spent the night getting screwed by my boyfriend's homicidal twin brother. What am I supposed to do **now?**_ "Just...guess I'm a little surprised about all of this."

 _No lie there._

"Well, don't worry, I'm sure we can take care of Jett, now that we know what's coming." Joxer eyed Auto's still half-full plate of food and asked, "Uh, are you going to finish that?"

"No, by my guest." Autolycus pushed the plate towards his companion. Suddenly he'd completely lost his appetite.

* * *

After an afternoon spent diligently "catching up" on missed time--and then a good night's sleep recovering from all that catching up--the two men were back on the road towards Egio and the arts festival early the next morning.

At least, Joxer seemed to have had a good night's sleep, as he was walking along at a spirited pace and humming lightly to himself as they made their way along the road. He seemed too excited about the upcoming festivities to talk about much of anything else: the performers who were supposed to be there, the money he'd put aside to purchase a new instrument for himself, the way his mom had been so happy to hear he was going to give music a try again...On and on and on he went, between humming one of his silly songs, and Auto was too distracted for once to become annoyed.

Autolycus had not slept nearly as well as Joxer had that night, and now he was suffering from the ill effects of his weariness and worry. He stifled a yawn, then nearly tripped over a rock he hadn't noticed in the road due to his grogginess.

Joxer, who had been a few paces ahead of him, turned around and asked, "Auto? You okay?"

"Yeah, fine. Think I need a new pair of boots or something--these are getting kind of worn. Losin' all their traction," he quickly excused his clumsiness.

"Oh. You sure that's it? You're so quiet," Joxer pressed.

"Yeah, don't mind me. Just...trying to make some plans of my own for this festival. You know, while you're busy doing your thing...I gotta think about doing **my** thing, too."

Joxer laughed lightly, satisfied with that answer. "I should have figured as much." Then he went back to humming, leaving Autolycus to his thoughts again. When the still-distracted thief nearly slipped on some wet leaves at the edge of a mud puddle, he yelled at himself, _Wake up, you idiot! Quick picking up Joxer's bad habits, stumbling around and not watching where you're going._

 _And while you're at it, quick picking up his bad brothers, too,_ his conscience reminded him. He still couldn't believe the situation he'd gotten himself into here, falling for Jett's playing him like a fool--by playing his fool of a brother--and he was damned if he had figured out what to do about it. Play the whole mistake quiet, like it had never happened?

Sure, that made the most sense--until he considered the fact that they were likely to run across Jett again, and probably sooner than later. He'd mentioned the festival and their planned meeting in Egio to Jett; at least he was fairly certain he had that night. Who knew what the assassin had in mind--for either him or Joxer...or Xena and Gabrielle for that matter, if they had the likely misfortune of being around for the festival as well.

And what if Jett caught up with Joxer first and told him what happened? _Maybe that's his planned revenge against me,_ Autolycus mused. Joxer would know then that he'd tried to hide the truth and would probably throw a fit.

Or worse, throw him out.

Would Joxer do that? Could this dumb-ass mistake of his end up meaning so much to the other man that it could screw up their entire relationship?

Auto wished he knew, but it was too hard to figure out Joxer sometimes to know for certain. He tended to get real sensitive when it came to relationship business, even over things that Auto didn't think should matter at all.

One way or another, Autolycus wasn't savoring the idea of confessing to Joxer he'd spent a whole night bonking his lunatic brother. And he knew the longer he waited, the worse the confession was going to go over if he had to go through with it.

 _Tartarus. Which god did I piss off **this** time to step into this nightmare?_

Sometimes his life was simply not fair at all.

* * *

Late that night, the two men happened through another small village where they decided to stop for the night. At the pace they were travelling, and according to the signposts along the well-traveled road, they would likely make it to Egio by the following nightfall.

 _To deal with who knows what,_ Autolycus thought morosely, having a strong feeling that Jett would probably be one of those "whats". He hadn't been able to shake the feeling all day that either someone had been following them since they left Egira, or that they were walking right into some kind of a trap. It hadn't helped when the serving maids in the village tavern all gave Joxer slightly odd but definitely fearful looks--which the wanna-be-warrior-turned-wanna-be-musician completely missed.

Auto didn't. Jett had been through here, all right. He wished there was some way they could head back in the opposite direction and forget about this whole festival business, but he knew Joxer had his heart set on going.

Regardless of what awaited them come tomorrow, for tonight they had a cozy room and an even cozier bed in the inn above the tavern. With full stomachs and a half bottle of wine to be finished, the two men had called it an evening and retired to sleep...and to pursue other less mundane activities as well.

"That's it...that's it...oooh yeah...!" Pleasure coursing through him head to toe, Autolycus arched upwards, desperately trying to push even farther inside his lover's body. Joxer responded to Auto's urgings, riding him with abandon and well-practiced skill, his pale skin flushed and glistening with sweat as they both neared the inevitable and necessary climax.

Nothing ever felt better, more perfect than this, Autolycus always thought right at that moment. The Elysian Fields could offer no better place to be than here, sheathed in Joxer's warmth and trapped between his solid thighs. "Joxer..." he groaned as the pleasure magnified tenfold, then a hundredfold, then overwhelmed him completely for a brief but incredible moment. Dimly he was aware of Joxer's echoing moan, the liquid warmth spreading over his stomach as the other man came soon after he did.

Joxer then slid down on top of him them, covering his chest and then his neck with gentle kisses. When he lifted his eyes to look into Auto's, the usually gentle gaze was practically smoldering with unabashed lust...and love.

 _Funny, that,_ Autolycus noted. _Jett had been full of that same wild lust, too._ But Auto realized now that he should have noticed that the love had been missing. Their night together had been intense, sure, but in retrospect, he knew that was the clue he should never have missed as far as knowing that something had been wrong. There had been no "love" in what Jett had done to him. It had been sex--nothing but sex, like Auto had only known for all of his life until finding Joxer. Now that he knew better, about the difference between intercourse and making love...

...Well, he should have known better, when it came to telling his playmates apart.

"Where are you, Autolycus?" a soft voice asked, those warm brown eyes looking into his now with worry.

"Hmm?"

"You're somewhere else; I can see it. Now, call me picky, but if I'm making love to you, I want you here with me," Joxer scolded him lightly, though his smile took the sting from the words.

"Sorry, Jox. I was just thinking...about how lucky I am I have you."

Joxer's smile widened and he leaned in to place a tender kiss on Auto's lips. He was always so easy to please with the right words, a gentle reassurance or embrace.

 _Makes it so damn hard to think about hurting him with words he shouldn't have to hear._

"Mmm..." Joxer almost purred, snuggling against Auto and looking so terribly happy he was practically glowing. "I gotta say, sleeping under the stars is kinda romantic, but nothing beats a nice comfy bed, don'tcha think?"

"Like we ever get much sleeping done," Autolycus said with a smirk.

"You complaining?"

"Hades, no." Auto let his hand glide down Joxer's bare, soft back, trying to simply let himself enjoy the moment as he usually did. He was still debating whether he should tell Joxer about Jett or not, and he knew tonight was the night he had to do it if he wanted to be certain to beat Jett to the punch.

"Glad you're not complaining. But I think we should, y'know, take it easy now and then. Just so we aren't complete zombies during the day," Joxer continued on, oblivious to Auto's continued pensive mood. His fingers traced out incomprehensible patterns down Auto's chest as he said, "The first night I was at home, mom got all worried because I slept straight past lunchtime. When I told her why, though, she didn't seem worried any more."

"You told your mom about me?" Auto asked, this revelation stirring him out of his other thoughts.

"Yeah. I mean, I told her I was involved with someone...a handsome, charming, roguish sort of someone...but I didn't go into all the nitty-gritty details or anything."

"Good."

"Mm hmm. But she expects to hear all that when we visit her on the Solstice."

"What?!"

"Well, she really wants to meet you, and I had to promise her I'd be home sometime soon again. Especially when I ran out on her so fast this time. I just couldn't stay when I knew Jett might be on your tail."

 _In more ways than you know, Jox. Aw hell,_ Auto groaned to himself. He couldn't do it; he couldn't keep up as if nothing had happened...it was going to drive him mad! To anyone else it wouldn't have been a problem, but damn Joxer...why did lying to him about anything always feel so wrong? Why was it so fucking impossible to keep a secret, one teeny tiny secret from him?

 _Okay, here goes a fat load of nothing...or everything._ After taking a deep breath and slowly exhaling it, he started, "I, uh...listen, Joxie, there's something I need to tell you or else it's gonna make me crazy. I didn't want to get you upset--well you're probably gonna get upset anyway--but I don't want you hearing about it from someone else later, 'cause I'm sure that would only get you even **more** upset than you're likely gonna get now."

"What is it?" Joxer asked, raising his head, making Auto all the more uncomfortable now that he had to look into those soulful eyes while making his confession.

"It's that, ah, I don't think that we really need to worry about Jett. At least not where I'm concerned. We...ah...I ran into him already. In Egira. The night before you showed up."

"What?! Why didn't you tell me?" Joxer asked, clearly surprised and confused.

"Uh...well, at the time I...I didn't know it was him. I thought he was you. And he just let me believe he was you."

"...Until you made some sort of move on him, I bet." Joxer grinned. "That must have really surprised him, right?"

Auto squirmed. "Actually..." he started, giving Joxer a sheepish look, "if it did...I...didn't exactly notice."

Joxer's smile slowly faded as he began to understand. "Auto, you didn't...you did it with my **brother?!"**

"Babe, I'm sorry, you gotta believe me. I really thought he was you! I never would have--"

"You're saying you couldn't tell the difference me and, and **him** \--during **that?"**

"Hey, it's not like I'd screwed him before and could compare notes!" Auto argued, then immediately he regretted his outburst when Joxer just gave him the most crushed expression, then rolled off him and turned his back to him. "Aw, come on, Jox...hear me out here, will ya? I'd had a little too much to drink. Maybe more than a little too much 'cause I wasn't thinking too clear...I **did** notice you were acting kind of strange, but he just played it up completely as soon as I'd made the mistake of thinking it was you from the start. A minute ago you were worried Jett was gonna kill me! At least he only...I mean, I didn't want you to keep worrying, all right? Or to run into him later and have him spring this on you. That's why I told you about it."

No answer. _Yeah, this is going great. Brilliant plan, Autolycus. Spill the beans and then stumble all over yourself trying to explain it afterwards._

He ran his hand along the back turned to him, trying to coax some reaction out of the silent man at his side. "Jox...please..."

"Stop it, Auto! I don't want to hear it right now," Joxer snapped angrily.

Frustration and desperation tinged Auto's equally blunt reply. "Well that's too bad, 'cause you're gonna hear me out. Now, I haven't stepped out on you **once** except for this. And that was only because I thought I was with **you!** So, okay, I was an idiot. I should've been thinking with my head instead of my dick, and maybe I would've figured it out. And considering we're talking about Jett here I might've ended up **dead** as a result, huh? Is that what you'd have rather seen happen?"

"Of course not!"

"All right then." Auto slinked his hand around Joxer's waist, lying close against him. He hated the way that precious body that usually relaxed right into his touch now felt so stiff, so unresponsive to him. Softening his tone again, he continued, "Look, all I knew back there was that I was lonely, I'd been drinking and thinking about you, and then suddenly, there you were! I was too happy to see you to question it, to notice what wasn't quite right. But go ahead, chew me out if you want to, if it'll make you feel better. Call me a jerk, an idiot, whatever you want...just say something."

Joxer sighed and after a long pause, answered slowly, "I'm...I know I should be mad at Jett, not you. I'm just a little...I don't know what I'm feeling right now. Except confused, and hurt. I can't help thinking you should have known it wasn't me."

"I swear I didn't. Okay, I knew there was something...something different...in the way you were acting. I mean the way **he** was acting. But Jox, we play so many games with each other sometimes, I figured you were just taking things a little extreme, being so rough like you were, because it was some sort of new game you wanted to play."

After taking a moment to consider this, Joxer asked softly, "Did you like it?"

"Huh?"

"I said, did you like it? Was he...was he better than me?"

"I didn't say that!"

"I know you didn't. I'm just asking. He's always been better than me at everything else. Why not be a better fuck, too."

Auto sighed, feeling as if he were digging himself a deeper grave with every comment he made. Maybe he should keep his big damn mouth shut the next time he got the idea he needed to make some grand confession. "I love you, Jox, not Jett. If I...enjoyed myself, that night, it was only because I thought I was with you." Autolycus heard a soft snort at that remark. "What?!"

"You're not going to sweet-talk your way out of this one."

"Gimme a break here. I'm trying my best! What do I have to do? Hmm?" His fingers ran down Joxer's side, as he brought his mouth lightly against the back of his long neck.

"Don't," Joxer protested sharply.

Auto drew back, surprised, almost...almost frightened by the coldness in the man's response. "Joxer?" he asked tentatively.

"Auto, just...not now. Okay?"

"Okay. Yeah, okay. What **can** I do. Tell me."

Silence again.

Auto sighed and dropped his head back on the pillow. "Shit..." he swore under his breath. He didn't know what to do--try to force some sort of response out of Joxer? Let him work this out on his own? For so long, he'd kept himself from ever letting anyone get too close; now that he had, he didn't know how to deal with it when things went wrong.

"Jox, you want me to stay here, tonight, or what? Do you...do you want me to leave?" he finally asked. "I don't want to go, honest...but if you don't want me here..."

"No, don't go," Joxer cut him off quickly. "Just...just hold me."

"Holding. I can handle that. No problem." Autolycus turned back to Joxer, pulling his body close once more but this time daring to do nothing more than that. Not even speak.

Sleep came uneasily that night, when it finally came at all.

* * *

For the second morning in much too-recent memory, Autolycus awoke to find himself alone. Only a note scribbled in obvious haste left on the pillow next to his own awaited him. He contemplated it for several minutes before working up the courage to actually focus upon it and read Joxer's words:

  
Autolycus,

I am leaving to find Jett. I need time to work this  
out and settle things with him, and I need to do  
this on my own.

I know what happened was not your fault. But  
right now I need time to deal with the anger I  
feel towards both of you.

I'm sorry. Don't follow me. I'll find you when  
I'm ready.

I love you.  


"Ah, Joxie..." he sighed after rereading it a few dozen times. He folded the note carefully and put it aside on the pillow again where he wouldn't lose it. He fell back onto the bed, rubbing his eyes until his hands clenched into his fists in frustration.

 _Dammit!_ He pounded the bed so hard he bounced. Then he realized he felt the strange sensation of moisture welling in the corners of his eyes. Tears? No--he was **not** going down that miserable path, not now. Not after all this time. True, everything was going on a fast chariot to Tartarus and he didn't know what to do about it--except that leaving Joxer on his own to take on Jett was **not** an option.

Neither was losing Joxer over this fool of a mistake he'd made. One way or another, he'd set things straight.

He had to.


End file.
